I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
