let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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