It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
