Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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