But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
