If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
