Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
