Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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