Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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