Sponge bath it is.
Screwed.edu
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
