I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
