What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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