are you so shy because you have an std?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
