Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
