I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Randomize
