I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They took my balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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