You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
smell my finger.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
