Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
