ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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