Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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