I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
