Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
