he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
