Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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