Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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