i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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