it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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