Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
