the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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