just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
