Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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