Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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