Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
