May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
