Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
