every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
