i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
