So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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