I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
