we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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