Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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