And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
