He disabled his match.com account in front of me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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