The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
