are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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