Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
