Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
