Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
