She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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