Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
