you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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