I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
